Gloriously ordinary

I have just come home from Colour Conference London and I am on a high! I’m high on God.

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It has been a few amazing days and I have just loved all of it! This was my first Colour Conference and it certainly won’t be my last. I have never really listened to Bobbie Houston before, mainly because I haven’t been to a Hillsong Church before. I only knew about their music but she is a godly woman and she is soo funny!

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There was a church connected to the Hillsong Family where I lived before but I only visited a few times and never felt at home there. So moving to the UK, joining a Hillsong church had never been part of my plan. The US was where I thought I would end up if I ever moved to an English-speaking country and then I would have thought Atlanta and the North point ministry or perhaps Chicago and then one of the gospel churches. But as we all know, God works in mysterious ways and I ended up here in the UK.

This weekend at Colour I know God worked in me. He shone light on things I needed to see, He lifted my spirit and He put my compass straight again. But I also had some epiphanies.

They were showing some personal stories from women from all over the world. Beautiful stories about how God had come into their life and restored, made new and just saved them. What they did have in common was they had all been though a hardship. Different things but all hardships. Then and there, I realised that I should be so grateful! Grateful that I have not had these hardships in my life.

I have parents who love me and were supportive throughout my childhood. When I wanted to go to a youth meeting in a church about 1 hour drive from home (in the south of Sweden that is quite far away) they picked me up at 11.30 pm as there were no trains or buses going home. I have asked them now as an adult why they did that as I know so many friends never had that. Yes, I wanted to go to a church and I guess they were happy I wasn’t secretly out drinking with friends. The answer I got was, “You demanded it”. Stubborn child hey, guess I know what will await me if I ever get kids…:D

In my early school years I had a teacher who was a racist. I did not have it easy the first 3 years in school with her but I can only be grateful for that time as it has made me want to be an open and welcome person. I don’t ever want people to feel left out, because I have had those feelings and they are not fun to have. Still, this is nothing compared to what others have had to gone through in their childhood. I have had it easy!

This is not a pitty post. This is just something I had on my mind this weekend. I am ordinary, but not just ordinary. I am gloriously ordinary as I am a child of God. As they said this weekend; I am royal, a daughter of the King most high, King over heaven and earth. It is my inheritance to be supernatural but I can be supernatural at the same time as I am ordinary.

I am so happy I have found this church! I had peace about moving to the UK and this is how God speaks to me. I know it is His will when I have peace with a decision. God wants me here right now and I intend to listen. Only He knows for how long but I look forward to the next 6 months, especially if they will be like the last 6! Who knows, it might end up being 6 years. God knows.

Last but definitely not the least: Thank you to all the men who were serving and making this year’s Colour possible.

 

When it doesn’t go my way I know that it is not the end
I’m trusting You have better plans I haven’t even dreamt of yet
I know that You are for me when everything’s against me
I put all my hope in You
Jesus, I will trust You, I will trust You
I know You never fail, I will trust You 
Jesus, I will
Jesus, I will
I don’t know how the story ends but I know that You finished itI’ll close my eyes and just let go and fall into my only hope
There’s safety in the falling when I surrender fully
I put all my hope in You

Jesus, I will trust You, I will trust You
I know You never fail, I will trust You 
Jesus, I will, I will
Jesus, I will, I will

The only thing I know is, God, You’re in control 
in every little detail You are close
I’ll never be alone here in the unknown
The power of Your presence fills my soul

Now everything I know is, God, You’re in control 
in every little detail You are close
I’ll never be alone here in the unknown
The power of Your presence fills my soul

Jesus, I will trust You, I will trust You
I know You never fail, I will trust You 
Jesus, I will trust You, I will trust You
I know You never fail, I will trust You 
Jesus, I will, I will
Jesus, I will, I will
Jesus, I will trust You, I will trust You
I know You never fail, I will trust You
Jesus, I will

 
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Moving to England!

So, I’m moving from Sweden…!!! I have worked at a company, Icomera, since December. This July I applied for another position at the English office and got it. That process took 1 week…. 1 week!! I applied on Friday, had a Skype interview on Wednesday and they offered me the job on Thursday. So, I’m moving!!

So much to be done. A future colleague said it took him 3 months to complete the moving process. I have 6 weeks. If this works, and I have an apartment on October 1st, it’s only with Gods help! So, friends, please pray for me!!

I take comfort in this song (sorry, not the complete song) :

Failure

Why is it so hard for me? To hold on to this decision… I had a goal, to read some in the bible every day and I started to follow a reading plan. Now, I’m like 10 days behind. Not that I haven’t read but I had some trouble understanding what I was reading. So I wanted to read from another bible where they use a simpler languange and lots of commentaries.  But this bible is very heavy and hard to bring in a purse. So I fell behind… And now, I feel like I have to catch up or I will have failed.

Why is it so hard to keep focus? I have missed the last two cermons ’cause I have been late to church; I have prioritized to stay up late the day before, to sleep in instead of getting up and go to church…

So please, Jesus, bring me back to you, make my life all about you, instead of me.

Love for people or love for God… Or both?

I have had this question on my heart for a while now.

What if I’m not loving people enough?

I love my friends, they are so precious to me but, I have friends that are not following Christ and I have siblings that don’t follow Jesus. I don’t try to talk them into coming to church… Why don’t I do that?

I think I’m like the other son in the parabel of the prodigal son. Not the one coming home, but the other one who stayed at home. He who gets angry when he sees his father arrange this feast when his brother comes home.

The big thing everyone talks about in this story is what the prodigal son has done. He has declared his own father dead when asking for his inheritance. He has turned his back on his family. But many forget about the brother…the one who stayed and was loyal. While he inherits all that is left, he still can’t rejoice with the father. He can not understand why he has been put aside when the other son comes home. I think I’m like this with my  friends and siblings that are not christians. But this is the Fathers love, to rejoice when what was lost is found, to be glad when a sinner is saved. The brother doesn’t love his homecoming brother like the father, that’s why he can’t rejoice.

I need to realize that God loves in a different way, a better way, and I need to learn how…

Wasting my time…

So, I realize that I still haven’t come to terms with my past. I have forgiven myself for wasting my own time, I’m ok with that. But I’m not ok to have been wasting Gods time! Let me explain.

In 2001 I met a guy and we were a couple for about 5-6 years. He was not a christian and it affected my life, my choices and my faith. When it finally ended, I was nowhere near having a personal relationship with Christ. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am now. And I can tell you it has not been an easy road. My faith has been there, but not the fruit of it. I have always believed there is a God, that Jesus died for my sins and that I have eternal life, but I have not lived it, I have not felt it, I have not been able to fully live my life for God.

About two years ago I think it finally cleared up, I felt the blue sky, I could feel God, I could see God. I think it coincided with me joining my old choir again. This is where I could laugh again for real, feel happiness and joy, the kind that comes from God. I think it’s kind of symbolic, that I spent 6 years on a man that was totally wrong for me and then I had to have 6 hard years to make up for my mistake. I have needed this time to work through all things that came from this relationship, I have needed this time to process some stuff. But now, when I feel God working in me, now that I realize that I might have a calling…now, I am not ok to have been wasting time that I could have been serving!

Now I think “what if…” What if I had taken a wiser decision then, what if I had followed God’s will then? What if…I feel sad, to know what I could have done, where I could have been. I need to forgive myself yet again! Not for wasting my time, but for wasting Gods time. I know that His plan is greater, that He can take whatever mistake I make and use it for good. But I still feel sad and betrayed by myself.

This is where I realize that the question from the Ask It-series is so important! In light of my past experiences, my present situation, my future hopes and dreams…

What is the wise thing for me to do?!

Future hopes and dreams…

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I have some hopes and dreams that I don’t dare to share. I hope for them in secret but I am a coward and ’til this day I have failed to achieve them… Can I leave my safe environment and just trust God and throw myself into His mercy? Do I really dare to?! Isn’t this what it is all about? To trust?! To dare?! To really do?! Everything speaks against it, my economical situation, my age, my brain, my rationality. But my heart longs for it…To blindly go where I believe God wants me…But do I really dare to?…