Love for people or love for God… Or both?

I have had this question on my heart for a while now.

What if I’m not loving people enough?

I love my friends, they are so precious to me but, I have friends that are not following Christ and I have siblings that don’t follow Jesus. I don’t try to talk them into coming to church… Why don’t I do that?

I think I’m like the other son in the parabel of the prodigal son. Not the one coming home, but the other one who stayed at home. He who gets angry when he sees his father arrange this feast when his brother comes home.

The big thing everyone talks about in this story is what the prodigal son has done. He has declared his own father dead when asking for his inheritance. He has turned his back on his family. But many forget about the brother…the one who stayed and was loyal. While he inherits all that is left, he still can’t rejoice with the father. He can not understand why he has been put aside when the other son comes home. I think I’m like this with my  friends and siblings that are not christians. But this is the Fathers love, to rejoice when what was lost is found, to be glad when a sinner is saved. The brother doesn’t love his homecoming brother like the father, that’s why he can’t rejoice.

I need to realize that God loves in a different way, a better way, and I need to learn how…


I have so many mixed feelings right now… I saw an instagram post from my niece where she said “bye buddy”. The photo was of my dog Pixel…

To give You a little history me and my ex bought a puppy about 12 years ago. We always said that if (though we never thought it would happen, but if) we ever split up, he would be mine. We split up after 6 years. And Pixel was mine.

After breaking up, I had a few friends but not nearly “enough”. I felt a bit lonely so I moved into a christian doormitory. Pets wern’t allowed so Pixel moved to my parents. It was supposed to be temporary but when I got my own apartment and Pixel moved back, I had gotten used to the freedom of not having the responsability of a dog and also, having a full time job didn’t help the matter. Since my parents are very supportive and wanted me to have a social life, Pixel moved back to them and after a few years we decided they should keep him. After all, they had a garden and a big forest surrounding the house plus they had time to have a dog.

Today, I saw an instagram post… It said “bye buddy” and the photo was of my dog… Straight Flush Karate Kid aka Pixel.

Rest in peace, my love!!


Ex’s…or “I really need someone who can put me in my place

So, my ex got married. It kinda hurts, but only because I’m still single and have been ever since we broke up. I know it’s not a competition, it’s more finding a person suited for you and who follows God, but I really would have liked being first.

We were great together, except for the fact he wasn’t a christian. Kind of a big deal, but at that time I wasn’t smart enough. Also, he was not strong enough for me. Not in the physical sense but mentally. He avoided so many argumentations. My roommate at that time told me, after we broke up, that he had confided some in her and had told her that it was easier to let me have my way with things rather than to question me. So I realized that I need a mentally strong man who will question me and tell me when I have gone too far. But this is just a wish. Sadly I can not be too picky as good christian men doesn’t grow on trees these days. But I have learnt one lesson. He needs to be an active follower of Christ. Otherwise I’d rather be single!

How I want my heart…

Har sett på en predikoserie på NP igen. Handlade eg om kärlek, sex och dating men man kan ju applicera det på vardagliga situationer och relationer också. Utgår ifrån 1 kor 13, om hur kärleken är. Utdrag från Svenska Folkbibeln, 1 kor 13:4-7:

4 Kärleken är tålig och mild,
kärleken avundas inte,
den skryter inte, 
den är inte uppblåst,
5 den uppför sig inte illa, 
den söker inte sitt,
den brusar inte upp, 
den tillräknar inte det onda.
6 Den gläder sig inte över orättfärdigheten
men har sin glädje i sanningen.
7 Den fördrar allting, 
den tror allting,
den hoppas allting, 
den uthärdar allting.

Det är ofta som jag ser nya betydelser i gamla låtar nuförtiden när jag ser på predikningar etc. Ett ex är Heartbeat of Heaven av Steven Curtis Chapman. Tänkte inte alls på att den utgick ifrån just 1 kor. Men nu ser jag det klart och tydligt:

Loving, joyful, peaceful, patient
Kind and good and full of faith
Self-controlled and gentle
The heart of heaven beats this way.

I know at times this heart of mine beats only for itself
Full of thoughts and dreams, plans and problem
But this hear beating here in me belongs to someone else
He bought it with His life to show His love 

This is my prayer, Lord, today
Let this heart beat away
Heartbeat of heaven, I want you to be my own,
Heartbeat of heaven, I want my life show
The kind of love that comes and goes with the heartbeat of heaven
— Steven Curtis Chapman

Har precis sett färdigt en serie av 4 predikningar på NorthPoint. Har vetat om denna sida ganska länge, men det är först nu som jag verkligen satt mig ner och tittat igenom vad de har. Andy Stanley är verkligen underbar att lyssna på. Han har humor, fångar verkligen mig som lyssnare och är jättetydlig. Jag har en dålig ovana att fastna framför min dator med serier och filmer och annat strunt, men ikväll kan jag nog känna mig lite stolt! Inte en enda serie sen jag kom hem. Tror att min vän som jag lunchade med idag inspirerade mig lite också. Vi kom in i en diskussion om att hjälpa/ta hand om människor; att av glädje älska människor kontra att av ansvar hjälpa människor. Det är så lätt att i en diskussion säga att bön är svaret. “Be Gud om hjälp, be för att få glädje, be för att få energi, be för att se en förändring i ditt och andra människors liv.” Det är så lätt att säga, det är svårare att göra.

ska sova nu…men i morgon blir det till att lyssna på Louie Giglio…Synd att det är på mp3 och inte en video. Bara hoppas att min längtan att lyssna på dessa predikningar inte dör under natten.

God our Father, once again I bow my head to pray.
You are my Father and my friend
and You hear every word I say.
A prayer for forgiveness,
a desperate cry for help
or praise flowing from a thankful heart.
Like each time before
I come knowing You’re still listening.