Wasting my time…

So, I realize that I still haven’t come to terms with my past. I have forgiven myself for wasting my own time, I’m ok with that. But I’m not ok to have been wasting Gods time! Let me explain.

In 2001 I met a guy and we were a couple for about 5-6 years. He was not a christian and it affected my life, my choices and my faith. When it finally ended, I was nowhere near having a personal relationship with Christ. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am now. And I can tell you it has not been an easy road. My faith has been there, but not the fruit of it. I have always believed there is a God, that Jesus died for my sins and that I have eternal life, but I have not lived it, I have not felt it, I have not been able to fully live my life for God.

About two years ago I think it finally cleared up, I felt the blue sky, I could feel God, I could see God. I think it coincided with me joining my old choir again. This is where I could laugh again for real, feel happiness and joy, the kind that comes from God. I think it’s kind of symbolic, that I spent 6 years on a man that was totally wrong for me and then I had to have 6 hard years to make up for my mistake. I have needed this time to work through all things that came from this relationship, I have needed this time to process some stuff. But now, when I feel God working in me, now that I realize that I might have a calling…now, I am not ok to have been wasting time that I could have been serving!

Now I think “what if…” What if I had taken a wiser decision then, what if I had followed God’s will then? What if…I feel sad, to know what I could have done, where I could have been. I need to forgive myself yet again! Not for wasting my time, but for wasting Gods time. I know that His plan is greater, that He can take whatever mistake I make and use it for good. But I still feel sad and betrayed by myself.

This is where I realize that the question from the Ask It-series is so important! In light of my past experiences, my present situation, my future hopes and dreams…

What is the wise thing for me to do?!

Managing my time…

So, I’m watching a series called Ask it. It centers around one question; “What is the wise thing for me to do?“. In light of my past experiences, my present situation and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for me to do?
In part 3, they talk about time. How could I manage my time best?

For the past month I have seen articles, pictures, meme’s and more pointing me towards this. How should I best spend my time? What is important? Looking back when I’m old, what will I regret not to have done? What will I be proud of I did do? What will have the most worth? All these articles, pics and meme’s have said to cherish friendship, family and Jesus.

People who lie on their death bed all regret not spending time with their children, not spending time with their spouse, working too much, being away from home too much, putting way too much worth in material things and putting too much energy in earning money. I guess this is true:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy,and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”
Mathew 6:19-21